The Downward Cycle

My recovery from anorexia has been quite the roller coaster ride with many highs and just as many lows. Each dip causing my anxiety and depression to cycle out of control to a point where it is difficult to get it back. People close to me can most likely tell when I’m not doing well from these clear characteristics:

  • Excessive sense of responsibility for everything
  • Even more of a perfectionist
  • Anxiety and panic heightened
  • Intense focus on what seem to be meaningless tasks
  • Change in sleeping and eating

Sings of concealed depression, that for me personally become much more apparent when I’m not doing so well.

  1. Can’t turn brain off
  2. Usually creative or talented in a way of expression
  3. Open outlook on life and death
  4. Abnormal eating habits
  5. Abnormal sleeping
  6. Abandonment issues
  7. Cover-up stories that come too easily
  8. Silent cries for help
  9. Always trying to seem happy
  10. Seek love and attention

Along with my depression and worthlessness increasing so does my social anxiety (SAD). SAD is not just being shy, it is an intense fear of social situation.

Sings of SAD:

  1. Irritability
  2. Avoidance/procrastinating
  3. Seem to be “sucked” into phone in social setting
  4. Nail/skin biting
  5. Isolation/dissociation

When you’re too scared to stand up for yourself because you don’t want people to think you’re mean. And when you do, you regret it immediately

When your in a group of people and someone points out you haven’t said a word yet.

Tips to keep it together:

  • Remember you are not the only one struggling
  • Get a therapist if you don’t already have one
  • Those offering help usually are coming from a genuine place
  • Do something creative as a way to express how you feel
  • Remember medications can only do so much
  • Learn to meditate
  • Cry, don’t hold it back
  • Anyone telling you your depression is laziness needs to be cut off
  • Depression will lie and make you think your unloved, it’s not true you are so very loved and important ❤️
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